Where do I go from here? That was a question that I had wrestled with for many years and it has come to an ear-shattering-all-time-high-volume for me about two months ago.
On the one hand a part of my journey has ended and yet at the same time another has begun but in the total scope it is just one continuous journey with many different stops along the way.
Each stop being unique and offering different challenges and tensions that whether I want to or not have to grapple with.
Challenges, tensions, threats, opportunities…
We evaluate our thinking, our choices, our lives.
We choose to change!
We are forced to change!
I have learnt that while I have control over my thinking and actions, I have no or little control over my circumstances. I cannot dictate how my circumstances should be or even would be and while it may sound like it is inevitable to live a life that is reactionary it is quite the contrary. Each time I make a decision, my circumstances change and each time my circumstances change I have to make another decision but while this dialogue continues, I have again been reminded that ultimately it is God who orders our steps.
It is God who is sovereign. He is in control. He is in charge and no matter how many decision we may make or how our circumstances may dictate and push us around, it cannot trump God. He is in control.
I have learnt that it is okay to not know all the answers. It is okay to not even know the questions. And so in the midst of my journey God assigns a new opportunity and while it has me anxious at moments, it leaves me humble. It leaves me grateful. It leaves me knowing that I have a God who is fighting my battles.
So here I find myself at the Cape Town Baptist Seminary…
And so the journey continues…